My heart bursts its banks, spilling beauty and goodness. I pour it out in a poem to the king, shaping the river into words: Psalms 45:1 (MSG)
Communication.
Seems fairly easy. But it is WAY more complicated than we think. Then how do we express ourselves correctly? When we first learn to communicate — the communication is basically non-verbal. Then singular words begin. Then sentences. It is learned through very close contact and everyday life with those around you. Languages are learned mainly by osmosis. As languages seem to change with time. Yet as we get into relationships the communication is still difficult. Expressing emotions and feelings are difficult. Expressing ideas that haven’t quite formed is difficult. As an example try to answer the next questions.
How well did your parents communicate with one another?
Did they always understand each other?
How well did you communicate with your parents?
Did they always understand you?
If you’re married — do you ever have communication issues with your spouse? Why? What is the main issue of miscommunication? An inability to communicate what you are trying to express or feel? Are you feeling like they aren’t really ‘hearing’ / listening to you?
How well do you communicate with your closest friends?
How much is fear part of the problem in your communication?
How much is trust part of the problem in your communication?
How much is selfishness part of the problem in your communication?
Those questions can be difficult to answer if one is truly honest with themselves. Because we might have to face the Truth that much of our communication problems stem from within ourselves.
Now how does this subject relate to the spiritual?
How good is your communication with the Spirit of God? Can you hear Him clearly? Is that conversation a constant two way dialogue throughout your day? What’s hindering you from hearing Him? Fear? Lack of familiarity? Pride? Anger? Unresolved sin in your life you don’t want to let go of? Deep rooted wounds you blame God for? Time? You never take the time to converse with Him? (prayer + listening)
In this world where lying is so prevalent and everywhere, we’ve learned to think it’s okay to lie to ourselves. This of course is wrong. Lying to the Spirit of God is also a very quick way of closing off any further communication with Him. Why would we lie to Him? Because we are first lying to ourselves. We may think we know what He will say … so we don’t approach Him. I am actually very surprised many times when conversing with Him .. for He is NOT what I expect. Don’t place your expectations on Him.
How do we learn to communicate better? (This actually is a lifelong learning process.) First, don’t lie to yourself. Admit your weaknesses, and faults. Put away pride and selfishness. Approach the person you are trying to communicate with – with genuine humility and love. Take your time. Go slow. Think about what your are trying to communicate BEFORE speaking / texting / writing. Take your reactions out of the conversation as much as possible. Respond out of the fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23) Learn to listen. Truly listen and don’t form your response before the other person is done saying what they are trying to communicate to you. All these things you should do as well with Him. Allow Him time to actually speak to you.
Be real. Be honest. Allow Him to advise you in your communication with others.
Simple? Not really. Communication is an art. It takes work, creativity, and honest effort to express what’s in our heart, soul, and mind.
But it’s worth it to learn how to do it better. Especially with the Spirit of God.
3 thoughts on “The lifelong art of communication”
Thanks!
This is really good, Joseph.
Learning how to communicate well is truly an art formed over time.
You talk about how expressing emotions, feelings and ideas are difficult in relationships. They absolutely are especially if these things do not come natural to you.
I have a really hard time expressing all of these things. With feelings and emotions… I’m not sure what I’m feeling half the time because I’m too busy picking up on other people’s emotions. This comes very natural to me. To communicate my ideas…. is a completely different battle. It’s much harder because it’s very abstract and feels like it’s in raw stages all the time which is hard for me to articulate well myself let alone share with someone else. I’ve been realizing for awhile that these are all difficult things for me. I’m learning to ask the Spirit of God for more help in these areas. My interactions with Him look much different now… Sometimes He’ll stop me while I’m doing something and say, how are you feeling about this? What are you feeling in this moment? And sometimes, I ask Him… hey, how am I feeling about this? He’ll tell me exactly how I am feeling and we’ll talk it out. When it comes to ideas, I usually have to take it piece by piece and talk it out with Holy Spirit and ask Him lot of questions… what does this thing represent? What does this mean? How are these connected? What questions should I be asking you about this idea?
Most of the time when I’m problem solving with Holy Spirit it’s in my mind but other times I find journaling my dialogue with Him to be more helpful when I’m feeling too many things at once or when something is just too much to process. This helps me connect the dots better because now I’ve pulled things externally on paper.
I also have a few close friends that value raw and real honest communication. We know we can practice on each other. So we practice having hard conversations when the occasion arises. It’s a safe place to talk things out. We do this so we can love each other better but also so we can learn to love other people in our life better too. Communicating and loving well takes a lot of practice and it’s truly better with HIS guidance.
Thank you for this post! 🙂
Yes, practice, practice, practice