TC2 Note: I had many responses to this message, but none commented directly on the page of the devotional. Here is one I received personally. He has given me permission to repost his ‘experience’ in “full time” ministry.
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I’ve had people ask why I am not in formal ministry, and my typical answer is that God has not asked that of me in this season. As a child of God, I can’t avoid acts of informal ministry any more than a tree can avoid bearing fruit or a livewire sending out a current. I am compelled to do whatever is set before me by my Father in Heaven.
But why don’t I desire to do formal ministry right now without God asking it of me? Well, part of me does and I don’t know that it’s a part of me that is righteous.
Let me tell a story.
There was a man who wandered off the highway and tripped over a curb. He tied off his arm, flicked a needle, and injected an overdose right into a vein.
A pastor walked up to the nearby ATM. He was going over his sermon delivered the day before, the bereavement visit scheduled for the next day, and the conference he needed to register for, and so he didn’t see the homeless man with the needle in his arm, at least not at first. After he withdrew the cash needed for his conference registration, he finally noticed the man with the needle in his arm. What could he do? His schedule was too full. The pastor invited the man with the needle in his arm to Sunday morning service, said a blessing, and returned to his ministry.
An hour later, a Christian media influencer approached the ATM. He had a big account from his monetized YouTube videos and Instagram posts, and his tithe was due. The homeless man twitched and startled the Christian influencer. Who was this man? What sin was in his life that drove him to this condition? The Christian influencer prayed for him and promptly pocketed his tithe money, leaving in haste lest he be late for his live interview with a famous worship leader.
Around twilight, a blue collar worker who had just clocked out hurried up to the ATM with his paycheck in hand. He had worked overtime, so the bank lobby was closed which forced him to deposit his paycheck at the ATM. He was an usher at the local Latter Day Saints church but otherwise he was no one special. When he looked on the homeless man with the needle in his arm, he was filled with pity.
So the blue collar Mormon took the half-responsive man up, helped him into the crew cab of his work truck, and drove him to the ER. While the homeless man was hooked to an IV to detox his body, the blue collar Mormon signed for the ER bill and told the hospital, “When he wakes up, get him into rehab services. Let me know if I need to be billed for that too.”
You probably recognized that as a retelling of the parable of the Good Samaritan. You might also take umbrage with the liberties taken in the retelling. Well, I have two things to say to that:
1) The Samaritans of the first century were scorned as Scripture-denying, half-breed blasphemers who were worse than Gentiles. Whatever you may think of Mormons, the Judeans thought worse of Samaritans and yet Jesus made one the hero of a parable on being a good neighbor.
2) I was the pastor in the story.
No, it wasn’t a homeless man with a needle in his arm. In my case, it was a stranded motorist stuck in the turn lane of a busy boulevard with their hazard lights flashing and steam billowing out of their hood.
God told me to stop. I know He did because after I kept driving, I slept the restless sleep of the convicted that night. I was too busy. I had been on my way to church. I was on staff as the youth pastor and was the closest thing to the assistant pastor because I was the only other leader to preach in the main service. I had a pre-service prayer meeting to attend. I needed to make sure I was updated on that day’s agenda. If I was late, then it would disrupt the order of the service. It would set a bad example. It would show dishonor for the house of God. It would reveal a lack of respect for my co-laborers and my headship. It would show poor integrity because I had agreed to be there. The poor and wretched you shall always have among you, so it’s better to keep your church commitments than follow the leading of the Spirit outside the four walls. Or so it was agreed.
Yes, that church had become a toxic environment and we had been doing our best to lead by example as per Paul’s admonition to Timothy, but even then I knew I could only ever be responsible for my own heart.
Without going into the gritty details of everything wrong with that church, I can still say my sin was my own. In that small act of disobedience, I realized that my church ministry was more about my desire to please than my desire to obey. I wanted to be recognized as a faithful servant so much that I failed to serve when directly called upon in a way that would have made me look bad while profiting me and the church nothing. When you fail the Good Samaritan test due to a fundamental character flaw, there is no other conclusion than you are probably not ministering in obedience to God.
I’ve known many wonderful people in formal ministry, but I’ve known many more who were hirelings and would never leave the 99 sheep to restore the one who was lost, much less lay their life down for them. I realized that in the role of formal ministry, I was the latter. My church ministry became at odds with my faithful witness. One had to go.
To all the good shepherds out there laboring in the spirit of our Lord and Savior, keeping with His example and following His leading, I commend you. I found that in a formal setting, I am not a good shepherd. I am a hireling.
Perhaps the day will come when I can be a true and faithful witness with a duty and a ministry and even a title. Perhaps not. For now, I am content to be a servant whose left hand knows not what the right hand does. The desire for more is tares growing among my wheat and I need the maturity and manifestation of both so that God can remove the bad while I hold fast to the good.
I apologize if anyone is offended by any this. Yet I would point out that offense may be cause for evaluation of your own heart. Prayer and introspection are always appropriate responses to offense. Why do we do the things we do or don’t do? For whose glory? For whose good pleasure? “The heart is desperately wicked and who can know it?”
Thanks be to God who is able to save us to the uttermost!